Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bad: Waking up and finding a pen!s drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced.

   I'm one of the premiere snugglers of my generation.

   I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.

   just found out that a "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Apparently, I'm not getting ready in a "jiffy" any more.

   About the Facebook IPO...want to get rich..(ofcourse ye do..!!)..here is the plan.. 1)Wait for the IPO.. 2)Expect a big buying fury...making the stock to spiral upwards.. 3)wait... 4)Then lets all of us..yes..all 800odd million of us not visit Facebook fo

   I LOVE rumors! they tell me things about myself that I never even knew!

   I wonder if aliens ask each other. Do you believe in HUMANS?!

   Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now & then...

   I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

   Nobody's life is perfect, but life itself does have perfect moments….

   Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving...

   A beautiful girl is a beautiful girl, but a beautiful girl with a brain & smarts is a weapon of mass destruction...

   There are two things a man can never hide: 1. When he`s drunk, and 2. and when he's in love...

   Stress makes you very tired, but it`s stressful to avoid stress, so you end up stressed out anyway,

   Every girl needs a good guy to help her laugh when she thinks she`ll never smile again.

   Just watched Jersey Shore for 5 minutes and now I realize why we have to do things like write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.

   Does anybody know where I could find out how much a footlong costs at Subway?

   Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin....and muffins are healthy. Your welcome.

   Adam Sandler looks like Don Flamingo from Mike Tysons Punchout.

   Everything seems to be louder, when you dont want anybody to wake up