Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I must need glasses because everywhere I look, people seem to have two faces!

   What Woodstock 1969 tought us is that life isn`t about waiting for the storm to pass, it`s about learning to dance in the rain...

   Some women should realize that they've lost the moon while trying to count the stars…

   If you don`t like something, change it. If you can`t change it, change your attitude. Don`t complain...

   Friend: "Your phone`s ringing." Me: "Yeah, phones do that..."

   Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

   why is Betty White singing at halftime of the Super Bowl??

   Wondering if I can purchase "I'm Sixty and I know it" by LMFAO & Madonna on ITunes.

   If anybody slips and falls down at mid field in the second half I'm blaming the sweat that dripped from Madonna's vag.

   I had no idea Joan Rivers could sing!"

   NFL: "Madonna's message of 'world peace' does not reflect the views of the National Football League"

   I never knew Will Ferrell had so much talent....good job on the tight rope!

   atleast there wasn't a wardrobe malfunction."

   1million bucks from the new fantasy game doesn't go far. gas alone gonna take half when you buy any car.

   that snow I see on the field? No, I guess it's just Madonna's skin cells.

   Gonna rename my ipod to "Madonna is Lip" so when I hook it up to my computer it will say "Madonna is Lip Syncing

   Dear Audi, your commercial sucked more than the vampires in it!

   Its like a million Nicki Minaj snuck in at the SuperBowl show.....

   Madonna got a bunch of So-U-think-you-can dance rejected contortionist, and circus animals, and that monkey on a Rope......Someone Shoot the monkey. Wait What da???.........

   If I'm ever in an accident while driving and updating my status and you're the first person to arrive on the scene, grab my phone and press "Post."