@1_Jack_Jacko Funny Status Messages

   My girl has been asleep for 14 hours now. I'm debating trying to wake her in case she's dead. But then again if I do wake her up I'll then be dead..

   If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice

   It's Monday. I'm refreshed and ready to hate my Job

   Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday

   I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment

   A MILF is a sexy ass mum over 35. If you're 18, you're just an idiot with a baby.

   I saw my ex earlier and realized how much I missed her. Had to go back round the roundabout and run her over on the second attempt.