Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I was grateful for the fact that Facebook now groups similar posts (i.e. "10 of your friends posted about Valentine's Day"), so I can just skip past them. Unfortunately, I have friends that can't spell 'Valentine'. LOL 
dont worry if you find yourself alone on Valentines Day...its not the end of the World...thats still 10 months away
Tomorrow's going to be great.....Discount candy.
looks like it's me and Pamela Handerson again this Valentine's Day...
Got a feeling that somebody is gonna get BANGED more times than a ketchup bottle tonight!!
very upset!!! I had Lindsey in the Celebrity Death Pool at work.
You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.
I love you in Blue...I love you in Red...But most of all...I love you in....Blue
Why I walk funny: 10% I'm injured 90% Trying to unstick my balls from my leg.
My G/F said for Valentine's Day I needed to be more affectionate...so I got 2 Girlfriends! ;)
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
The Perfect Plan: 1. Shoot boss with arrow. 2. Blame poor AT&T coverage for not calling 9-1-1 in time. 3. Tell police it was Cupid.
3-way stops make me think that one of the stops doesn't really want to do it, but wants to make the others happy.
It doesn't matter what your conversation candy hearts say, as long as you remembered to soak them overnight in Rohypnol.
Hallmark, I'll go 50/50 on this card with you: "Moisten your inbox, baby; this Valentine's coming in hard."
If we never covered up our genitals, they'd never smell. Happy Valentines Day!
Great! My girlfriend's period just came. My bloody Valentine.
roses are red violets are blue.....and since I'm single my balls will be too
roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper then dinner for two
You should make her feel like everyday is Valentine's day : ) 