Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Okay all of Facebook, here goes the beginning of two more days about who died in Hollywood. Yes, we all want to know, everyone at once. BEGIN! 
Awww, someone needs a hug! "Touch me and you die."
The best way to make people remember you?Borrow money from them.
Dick Clark died?? Man I really dropped the ball on that one!!.....too soon?
"Jesus loves you." It's so nice to hear that said to oneself in church!! ... "Jesus loves you." A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison!!
Never plan a future with someone that has no future plans for themselves.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, this is Awesome!"
I use Google to check if I have internet connection more than I use Google to Google.
My fondest childhood memories are having to stay at the kennel while my parents went off to all those Amway conventions
Head banging to rock music doesn't have the same effect when your bald. Ask me how I know this.
I love watching Justin Bieber; it's like toddlers in tiara's mixed with Vh1's behind the music except live. Can't wait till we get to the drug addiction part.
...when the food you like doesn't like you. All these years to acquire a taste for the food I used to hate, now hates me.
.Bullying Support Group meeting, tonight at 8pm. You'd better f@#king be there.
I thought that the show title 'World's Dumbest' on TruTV was referring to its featured failing comedians.
I hate it when I'm trying to kill a spider but then I lose track of it and I become a victim in my own home.......
We need a homosexual, aetheist President with the economic and foreign affairs views of Ron Paul.
Every girl is capable of murder so be careful before you hurt her :)
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it
You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.
not saying my ex was dumb, but she poured the Frosted Flakes on the dining room table because she thought it was a tiger puzzle... 