Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Reading someone's status and thinking 'OH CRY ME A RIVER'

   LIKE If you've ever laughed so hard, no noise comes out, so you sit there clapping like a dumbfounded seal.

   LIKE if you text someone a paragraph and then 30 minutes later you get a lame reply saying "LOL".

   Admit it, we've all tried to splash water in our face like the commercials.

   You know you've done a great job when somebody you DON'T know LIKEs your status.

   There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding", a little reason behind every "just wondering", a little knowledge behind every "I don't know", and a little feeling behind every "I don't care".

   Like if you have tried to have S*x with Siri...

   LIKE If your texting speed automatically increases when you're angry.

   Never break four things in life. Trust. Promise. Relation. And Heart. Because when they break they don't make a noise, but hurts a lot.

   In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him

   Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

   If you want to cry use a tissue; not your Facebook status. !!

   I keep my standards low, so you don't have to!

   It's always the ugly girls who are feminists

   Like humans, as bitter,sour or unpleasant sometimes you just have to give them a chance... Giving Celery another try!!!

   When you're stressed, You eat Ice cream, Cake, Chocolate & Sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

   Turning off the downstairs lights and running upstairs so no one kills you.

   LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing.

   No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.

   an animal rights activist against fur but not leather because it's easier to harass rich old ladies instead of motorcycle gangs