Funny Status Messages

   I'm pretty sure the only thing guys learned from the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos is that if you slap it on the ass, it will eat your balls.....

   Money doesn't buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in my private jet

   well used x box for sale, cheap. Comes with lots of head games and 2 kids.

   would like to thank all the micro-brewerys out there for making my alcoholism appear to be no more than a fun hobby

   Just ONCE would I love to see a girl I know in a porno

   Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There's a reason you got rid of it in the first place.

   I can't live without: ✔ Food ✔ Music ✔ Oxygen ✔ Water ✔ Internet ❒ You

   Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway.

   Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress.

   Facebook: Helping you acknowledge the existence of people you had been successfully ignoring for years.

   I don't trust anyone who chooses a side salad over french fries.

   If I had a shot of whiskey for everytime I thought of you, I'd be sober.

   High schools shouldn't have school zones. If you can't cross the street by the time you're in HS you deserve to get hit.

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life...also, thank you.

   My girfriend's a h00ker with an IQ of 178. What a f**king know-it-all.

   You know you've made it,, when your joke makes its way back to you in someone else's Facebook status

   My friend just had a baby. He keeps going on about how he would kill anyone who tried to hurt his child, or he would get run over to save his son. He would even take a bullet for his boy. I said, “Why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?�

   Any of my DIY friends need a "Stud Finder"?? Nothing wrong with it, just every time I pick it up to use it... the damn thing goes crazy!!!

   "What did I do?" -- the horse you rode in on.

   Heard the Kardashians referred to as "American Royalty" on the radio today.....Currently in the bathroom taking an "American Royalty"