Funny Status Messages

   Sandusky's soap on a rope will be used to cork his pie-hole to stifle his screams. Payback is a biatch.

   Don't be in a relationship if you're going to act single...

   When I see "sent from my iphone" I read it as "i'm on the toilet"

   My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.

   "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar." So? You can catch even more with manure. What's your point?

   Hey Jerry Sandusky, I hope Bubba treats you in prison like you treated those kids.

   I'm Canadian and ham is pig and bacon is bacon. Enough said.

   If I could be a superhero, I'd be Aluminum Man... My superpower would be foiling crime

   HEY,, I've only have 26 letters to work with.... Don't expect miracles.

   The Karma cafe has no menus. You get served what you deserve.

   A cat jumps into a cab and yells, “Follow that red dot!”

   Men have feelings too. For example, they feel hungry.

   The most romantic way to have sex with a girl is to t!tty f#ck her, because that's when you're closest to her heart.

   the private sector is doing fine.

   Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond, by the end you will wish you had a club and a spade.

   If you were getting sexts from someone you're not interested in, does that mean you got molexted? Or is it textual harassment?

   Relationships must be chosen wisely. It's better to be alone than to be in bad company. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.'Fall in love when you're ready,not when you're

   Ge out of Hell Free card! Jesus Christ is your only Salvation!

   Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn. Sincerely, Stevie Wonder.

   I accidentally ran over someone's cat today and was too nervous to track down the owner and tell them what I did, so I left a note on it that said "Curiosity was here."