Funny Status Messages

   You know its the truth when Republicans start with the name calling.

   Hey you looney liberal... if that hooker says she'll give you an "Obama" for $20, she means she'll be happy to take a sh!t your face.

   Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure.

   Good afternoon fellow friends. Today we're going to talk about Creativity. You see, creativity is... umm hold on a sec. Google is still loading...

   If you think my lunchbox looks a lot like a 12 pack, you're right... except there's only 4 left now! :)

   I am scared... Someday I might just catch flames automatically... Being so hot an all... ;)

   I never responded to your foolishness because I still have what you don't want me to have!

   I have so much sand in my ass from the beach I have already made four little fartcastles on the floor.

   Cat picture. Car picture. Stupid update. Cat picture. Food picture. Cat picture. Emotional rant. Cat picture. Emotional rant about a cat. Cat picture. Stupid update. Cat picture. Cat picture. WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?!

   Simple cure for childhood obesity: Ice Cream Trucks that don't Stop.

   My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it's either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke..... in which I talk about having a wife.

   My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn. I told her, I love my car but I still watch NASCAR

   Since when did these all reality shows start using hearing impaired captions for all their daily drama?? Oh wait, my bad. I logged onto Facebook.

   Anyone who lets facebook determine their relationships is an infant.

   For the longest time I thought a jetski was what people who say "brewski" for "beer" call an airplane.

   I'm sorry, I don't see why you can't have a crack house AND have it tastefully decorated.

   How has the guy who makes Capri Sun straw openings not been up for a job performance review?

   Dragon flys those things no how to party ..flying around while having sex..oh yah.!

   The Dark Knight Rises.....a porn title that requires no alterations.

   Well, it's almost time to show up late for something else.