Funny Status Messages

   "Swag", sounds like something that gathers between my nuts and anus.

   Before Drake started saying YOLO, did ya'll suckas think you could live twice or something??

   I organized a 3 some last night. There were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time.

   thinking of joining the Mortal Kombat tournament. I am pretty deadly with Hulk hands on.

   I could really, really use some shenanigans.

   My mother-in-law has to work for "Tips",,,,,,,,,, Yeah,, You see, Nobody will put the whole thing in....

   When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.

   Helpful hint: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.

   I do declare douchebaggery and shenanigans! Happy F-Off Friday

   Single bells, single bells,single all the way oh what fun it is to see couples fight all day hey!

   I violently vomit and get overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts whenever I read B EGO's sentimental crap.

   Are you gonna eat that... or just take pictures?

   I swear people who like temperatures in the 90s don't actually work for a living.

   And on the day that Pooh found out bacon tasted better than honey, we all knew Piglet's days were numbered.

   Not ALL of B EGO's shtuff is funny, but I've seen quite a few good ones from him. We all bomb once in a while. :)

   I violently vomit when I see anonymoys F-tards that wanna be little kids and insult someone they don't even know. Don't be a puss!

   there such a thing as a bad friday?

   The people in horror movies would live a lot longer if they listened to me in the audience.

   If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's gay, definitely gay.

   11 year olds today: "Omg I love smokin pot. I get like so drunk. Yolo!" Me when I was 11: "I can't wait to go home and play Club Penguin!