Funny Status Messages

   This morning I removed my sleep shorts and put on my boxer shorts and then put on a pair of normal shorts. Worst short story ever...

   If you're cold, stand in the corner. It's usually 90 degrees

   Being a man means doing what I want, when I want, and not having to answer to anyone. This is my…...sh*t she’s coming. To be continued.

   it strange how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how strange it is?

   I was going to tell a railroad joke, but I lost my train of thought.

   Why did they call them armadillos and not hardvarks.

   Everything I know about love I learned from the venus fly trap.

   So, you people disrespect restaurant food service workers. You also say $2.13 per hour is too much and if they don't like it they should find another job. Now, your local restaurant is closed. Cry me a river.

   Which is your favorite Duran? Duran or Duran?

   You know you’re getting old when you’re watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wondering if they get enough vitamin D.

   Up for anything unless my gout flares up. – from my dating profile

   WAP when I’m involved is likely to be Waffles and Pancakes

   Relationship status: My hand told me it has a headache.

   I'm smart enough to know the oil prices are due to supply and demand and the pipeline was to carry sludge from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico and had nothing to do with gas

   I'm smart enough to know the markets clearly see the Biden/Harris administration is working to inhibit U.S. oil production, which has the effect of tightening the global market. Stopping the pipeline reinforced that belief. 45 was right.

   that moment when you open the ice cream tub in the fridge only to find there's no ice cream but instead something completely random

   I wonder how many boyfriends the QAnon Virgin Shaman has in prison so far?

   I'm smart enough to know that the president has nothing to do with the setting of gas prices. I wish a lot of others can say that.

   The last time gasoline prices were this high Joe Biden was vice president.

   The most important thing I care about in a president is how high gas prices get while he's in office (rolling eyes back).