Funny Status Messages

   Flip Flops are the Glass Slippers of the South

   I'm a bit concerned guys. This is a great place to escape, but you can't hide from Liam Neeson once he realizes you've been making fun of him.

   So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses.

   I'm not above pretending to be deaf in public to avoid unwanted human interaction.

   BREAKING NEWS: The Broncos just scored on the Chargers again.

   If there are more guys than girls in a Zumba class, then "Zumba" is just a code word.

   wanna have something hidden forever? Give it to your wife

   Some thug kid stole my bike today but I didn't care cause I know I'll get him back when I download his music for free in ten years

   I'm always proud of myself for being able to itch my ass with my own fart

   Hillary wears pantsuits because her balls would show in a dress!!

   if you want to visit a graveyard this Halloween just log into myspace!

   Gay dude was reading a holiday brochure then he tells his partner, "This year we should try Greece." His partner looks up and ask him. "Whts wrong with the Vaseline?"

   Don't tell me about the ghetto, Mr. I still have All 4 Hubcaps.

   When I win the lottery I am going to buy all the raisins in the world and throw them in the sea.

   (.)(.) + $$ = ( . )( . )

   Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like an ongoing series of slaps in the face with a sweaty sock.

   Letting someone with braces blow you is like a Saw movie to your p enis.

   I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine. Your move, Jesus.

   Just a friendly reminder that the world supposedly ends in 74 days.

   it's not fair that haunted houses pay someone to dress up & chase customers with a chainsaw but grocery stores won't let me do it for free.