Funny Status Messages

   Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life has never experienced two candy bars falling down at the same time from a vending machine!!!!

   Well behaved women rarely make browser history.

   These kids today need to show a little respect to those of us, who fought for, and won, the right to party.

   You say stalker, I say dedicated. You say psycho, I say nothing says I love you like a severed cat head.

   what do you expect from a species that quotes Marilyn Monroe?

   What doesn't kill me just makes me want to kill someone else.

   She said, "I finally got my period." and all I heard was, "You get to keep your paychecks."

   Men, if you're looking to spoil your lady this christmas, make sure there's WIFI in the kitchen, chicks love WIFI in the kitchen.

   I just yawned so loud now I'm pretty sure a whale somewhere is trying to answer.

   I always thought someone coughing all day got right on my nerves. It appears I was wrong, it's actually someone sniffing

   So windy in New York, the Statue of Liberty has been caught doing Marilyn Monroe impressions.

   Crazy how music speaks when words can't...

   what if "Gangnam Style" is just giant rain dance and brought hurricane Sandy upon America?

   Tip #12 for Halloween: Dont go dress-up as a toilet and walk in a bar when it just happened to be nickle beer night.

   I know it Halloween and stuff, but A white bronco just pulled up and threw out 2 bodies and then sped off really fast.....(Ö_Ö) on the lawn

   Its weird how Wall street was up and running like nothing happened, ....Oh my bad, I forgot....TeamRich&Wealthy with 2 or 3 homes flew or boated in to work.

   How is everyone holding up? It's been a crazy night! I have just beheaded 30 zombies. But why the hell are they all carrying candy?!?

   Why name hurricane gay names, like Sandy? How about Hurricane Death Megatron 300 And I guarantee people will be evacuating like they need to.

   Don't know what I did but kids have been coming to my house and giving me bags full of candy all night!!!

   I turned my lights off early. These little beggars aren't getting all my candy.