Funny Status Messages

   I’ve never considered myself a social butterfly. More like a social wasp. People run away a lot.

   “Endorphins” after working out is a scam, one is simply happy that they are no longer working out

   Trying to watch what I eat again so I just ate an entire loaf of bread with half a jar of Nutella I’d say that’s a good start

   What if UFOs are just billionaires from other planets?

   There's a fine line between "I've got nothing to do today except look at facebook" and "I've got nothing to do today because I'm looking at facebook"

   Remember when times were precedented.

   If you see someone crying, ask if is because of their haircut.

   Tradition (n.) Peer pressure from dead people.

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow down!

   The next person that says “the jab” is gonna get “the shot” in the arse.

   Do you believe in the “here after?” Then you know what I’m here after.

   My friend’s uncle was a hypochondriac. People like that make me sick.

   Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

   "i refuse to get a microchip implanted in me by means of a vaccine needle" okay? And? thats like saying "i refuse to swallow motor oil by means of drinking milk"

   I wonder when the CDC will recommend closing the southern border.

   I’m so competitive, I don’t let anyone ruin my life more than I do.

   The CDC recommends wearing a blindfold so you can’t see what’s really going on.

   If Biden had a quarter for every smart thing he ever said, he’d have two dimes.

   To devote yourself to one man, and worshiping him like a god seems pretty...well...you know.....gay.

   My favorite song about spring is "Blowin in the Wind" by Peter, Pollen Mary.