Funny Status Messages

   Mowing your lawn on edibles and having those flying grasshoppers coming at you like kamikaze pilots every 2 feet is something.

   I can remember a time when we didn’t allow crazy people to be in charge of running things.

   Pessimism is just another word for pattern recognition.

   I want my 72 hours of my life back that I wasted on Mike Lindell' ridiculous symposium.

   Inquiring minds want to know: Is the pride flag still flying over the US Embassy in Kabul?

   Housekeepers at the White House looking at all the puddles on the floor, and as expected, they are following the path taken by Biden.

   No person who calls themselves the President of the United States should be on vacation while the world crumbles down around them.

   Ladies, just so you know, 'Mansplaining' is short for 'Man Explaining'...

   He had nine days in the desert, why didn’t he take the time to name the horse??

   I'd make a swear jar but I don't have the type of income to keep up with my mouth...

   If you’re not part of the government and you’re pro mandate you should change your name to Karen

   When summer comes and California starts burning, try to act surprised.

   Never accept a drink from a urologist.

   Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty dang expensive.

   OK. Who is the genius who decided to call it "Boob Sweat" and not "Humidtitties"?

   A big nose is no excuse to not wear a mask. I still wear pants.

   How things roll is "happy wife = happy life", but just remember, women will never be 100% satisfied, so you might as well go ahead and piss her off.

   sure recipes like “marry me chicken” are cute but where’s the “it’s your turn to clean the bathroom casserole”

   I hope in my next life I come back as a McChicken so men will look at me lovingly and also settle for me out of desperation

   HR says that putting my pants on doesn’t mean I can take my top off