bOb Funny Status Messages

   When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.

   Dear world, please don't end till after after my four day weekend is complete. Thank you.

   destructive forces have hit the Gulf Coast! Oh, and a hurricane sweeped by.

   they did an MRI of my brain.....they found nothing.

   I suppose I'm a late bloomer. But the way it's going, I'm going to hook up in the nursing home. Somebody water me, PLEASE!

   the lower urinal for short people or long people? #clearance

   Obama should use enhanced interrogation techniques on Newt to find out where the secret "bring the price of gas down to $2.50/gallon" lever is.

   if you change your status to "in a relationship", it must last longer than a Kim Kardashian marriage.

   Kim Kardashian Wants To Experience Tebow Time?!?! No, Kimmy, Tebow cannot restore your virginity.

   thank you Tom Brady for showing the world that you have way more GOD given talent than Tebow!

   If you are one, 'stop being a procrastinator' should take precedence over all other resolutions. Starting tomorrow.

   multi-directional urinating and it all landed safely at sea....gonna be a good day!

   Dear Target: please fire your ad agency. That crazy blonde lady in red is annoying and will probably bring your sales way down. Call an audible and hire Walmart's

   ready for a football, family, food, and farts...Happy Thanksgiving!

   it looks like the word "horseplay" has taken on a whole new meaning and has been essentialy ruined for life...thanks Sandscumsky

   doubling his calorie intake to gain weight, and all this is doing is making me drop quatros instead of dueces.

   BREAKING NEWS: In a new Marital Sex Survey, women have reportedly faked all their answers ....

   nothings more horrifying than when you do an early flush and then start to feel wetness.

   about to give $$$ to a homeless peddler....until his I-Phone went off.

   It's so hot I just saw two trees fighting over a dog