Funny Status Messages
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I don't mind playing games as long as we both end up naked at the end. 
I hate when a stranger smiles at me and I have to smile back and pretend I'm not dead inside.
People would never be late if the Mario "running out of time" music started playing a few minutes before.
Why you acting hollywood when you ain't never been to Hollywood!!
MONEY - its only the root of all evil when you are dead broke.
They should change the name of "Disney Channel" to "Celebrity Pre-Rehab".
So the etch-a-sketch creator is dead... His family is reported to be a little shook up...
Hi Brain, I'd like to introduce you to someone I don't think you know...this is Mouth. You should really hang out more and get to know each other...Maybe then Mouth will stop hanging out with Foot so much.
Who's the biggest prostitute in history...Ms. Pacman...for 10 cents that slut swallowed balls till she died....
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.
there's a thin line between love & hate & it's located on marriage certificates rite under the signatures
a girl called me once and said come over, nobody is home! I went there and she was right, nobody was home
Taylor Swift's Dirty Little Secret Will Make You Sick... It's All About AGENDA 21, Look It Up!!.
Don't underestimate the power of a fresh, odorless, clean and well-maintained puss y, Ladies.
I'm not ignoring you, my thoughts are just more important than your words.
This is my bed, it's where I jerk off. That's my couch, it's also where I jerk off. Over there is the bathroom, I jerk off in there too.
"It's not what it looks like!" - said when something is exactly what it looks like
The only person you should believe when they tell you they love you is your dog and weed.
Punxsutawney Phil did not see Manti Te'o's girlfriend either today.
Why is it that I am just realizing that Joey and Chandler did not have a sink in their apartment? 