Funny Status Messages
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About 73% of the time, I just make up percentages 
thank good ness this pope s hit came along. We were just getting sick of all the obama jokes...
what's the 800 # I text my votes to for my favorite Pope??
Why do they still use smoke to singal the pope vote? Don't they have a twitter account now?
If you tell me to "grow up" I will point at your shirt and flick your nose with my finger when you look down.
Whatsapp and BBM have been ranked 2nd and 3rd as the best for gossip.Women continue to rule at No. 1.
facebook sucks ass anymore.. whos wth me?? its like checking a fridge when you know theres nothing to eat!
They need to hurry up and find a new pope. It's been less than 2 weeks and already the unsupervised Cardinals are smoking in the Sistine Chapel.
Anyone else having trouble with these nicotine patches? Mine melt as soon as I light them.
I hope I live to see the day kindness goes viral.
Telling your woman to calm down, works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
I don't care who they elect Pope just as long as I can keep drinking, gambling and having unprotected sex!
Facebook = Poor mans therapist...
If they can't elect a Pope in a week they should declare Overtime...and just play ROCK BIBLE SCISSORS
In other news from Rome, the Italian police were tipped about a major pedophile ring gathering on the outskirts of Rome....Oh crap! It's the papal conclave. Nothing to do about that....yet!
my money is on the Kenyan Cardinal in the Pope race!!
Lets elect a black pope! Said no Catholic ever.....
Breaking News: Jesus being charged with manslaughter after Oklahoma woman let him take the wheel resulting in a head on collision.
Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter? When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner? No? Me neither.
Dear pro athletes. It doesn't matter how big your contract is, in 5 years you'll be just as bankrupt... 