Funny Status Messages

   Having a rough morning? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. Don't give up.

   If you do kindness to others, others will do you with kindness.

   where are all thedouche bags that said this was some anti gun control nut job now?

   I parked in a disabled bay in tesco this morning, a bloke shouted "oi what's your disability" I said "tourettes ya c*nt, now feck off":-)

   Typical lol, how all of Boston is on lockdown and businesses are close, except for the Dunken doughnuts which is mandated to run for the duration of the Manhunt!

   Great Thanks to these doushbags, now I gotta get a background check for a pressure cooker at Sears......

   Words of Wisdom: Don't cover your mouth when you sneeze. You'll get snot and stuff all over your hands ツ

   I love myself, I'm just not "post pictures of myself everyday on Facebook" love myself.

   I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed, Not my fault they don't have Windows...

   When you don't wear makeup I feel like I'm cheating on you with your brother.

   Ever seen a chick so fine you swear that she must be a retard coz it wouldnt be fair for her to be that fine AND smart too?

   At least Mexicans make good immigrants and don't bomb nobody.

   So when do we invade Chechnya?

   If you workout at the gym, but don't post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?

   Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptise a cat.

   been a rough week for america...derik jeter is hurt,victor cruz wont sign a deal and psy has a new hit record...how can this get any worse?

   Now who is running a MARATHON?

   We would all be so lost in this world if it wasnt for our great friends on Facebook who constantly provide us with news updates...

   FYI - All backpacks are suspicious. Carry your $hit in your hands...

   And there are some that say I don't need an AR-15 and 30 round mags. Yeah right....