Funny Status Messages

   Being single be like, "Do you want to eat this? We're just going to throw it away." (Thanks, I feel so special.)

   The more money you make, the more it costs to make it.

   I don't know about you, but Ef-Az-Zzee's "impregnate" comment really creeped me out.

   If two people love each other nothing is impossible. Except deciding where to eat.

   Looking back at all the successes & failures in my life, I can’t help but be proud that at least the potty training thing stuck.

   If anyone thought the Weather Channel couldn’t possibly get any louder, please stop by my parent’s house right now

   completely misunderstood pride month. who wants to buy 15 lions

   Congrats you survived pandemic by getting your shots so your reward is World War III

   Pharrell Williams put out a fire on Kim Kardashian’s dress this week. Dude is really taking that Smokey the Bear hat of his to heart.

   There's a fine line between crazy & free spirited and it's usually a prescription.

   .Everyday I live in constant fear that Columbia House is going to send the repo man to get the LP's I never paid for back in 1973-75.

   Oh Snap..Gonna miss the Oscars again. That will make 50 yrs. in a row now.

   I wonder what the part of my brain that used to remember phone numbers is up to these days.

   China into Taiwan next. You heard it here first.

   An obese orange man just called Putin a genius. If that doesn't seems unpatriotic to you, then nothing will.

   Nobody likes a shady beach.

   Sorry friend, but your latest post didn't gargle Zuckerberg's balls.

   When someone tells me a joke and I don't get it, I just say, "Ooh, man. Too soon."

   Music is the universal language. Humor is the universal salve.

   You might say I am a Social Influencer. Well, OK. I'm a bad influence but still....