Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't forget to set your clocks back 200 years before you go to bed tonight.

   USD ABOVE 60... CRUDE ABOVE 6000.... STILL NIFTY ABOVE 6000....

   drinking beer in shower

   All of a sudden everyone on Facebook seems to be a criminal law expert.

   and the preducers of Lifetime make more money

   i wish we could go back to 1978 when life was good

   Americans are fast-asleep right now. Let peace reign

   Tell a girl a million times she's not fat, she’ll never believe you. Call her fat once she’ll never forget it. Most untold secrets

   [ KANYE'S VOICE ]Everyone that is stomping their feet and pouting like little kids, the trial is over. He was found not guilty by a jury of his peers after all evidence was presented. The prosecution failed to prove their case... first it was the voting b

   Politician: one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

   Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

   Race wars, class wars, religious wars, tribal wars, sectarian wars, ideological wars and gender wars shall be the end of earth.

   Humans have driven animals such as the Rhino to instinction, so when thousands of humans murder each other or perish in a natural disaster, thats just karma doing its job.

   Aaron Hernandez was seen on the phone begging his attorneys to have his murder case moved to Florida.

   BREAKING NEWS: Zimmerman is STILL not guilty since 3 hours ago

   Zimmerman about to be walking out in the streets in an Iron Man suit.

   Whoever wants to kill anybody, should probably do so in Florida you will be free.

   Everyones like "George Zimmerman this, no justice that" I'm just over here like, "I'm gonna eat a popsicle."

   Companies that are using technology to go paperless aren't putting iPads in the toilet stalls for wiping.

   Surprise jumps on the back is for 160 lbs and under women only.....any thing over is a tackle