Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know, hunting elephants.'

   Life is no longer a box of chocolates, I ate them all.

   Give me a gun and I can rob a bank. Give me a bank and I can rob the world

   yes, I have made mistakes, but last time I checked, life didn't come with instructions!

   who knew a politician named wiener could get into so much trouble?

   just write any numbers in the sudoku boxes. It doesn't matter. We're all gonna die

   Breaking: Kiss renames their hit song to "Detroit Broke City'.

   The Royal baby has been named 'George'...Zippy and Bungle are mortified!

   A Fan Jumped on Stage and Pulls Beyonce Hair while she was Singing ? That's Messed up..

   I will name him George and I will hug him and squeeze him and pet him !!

   I'm sorry Will and Kate...but every baby born is a prince or princess

   Breaking News: Anthony Weiner is running for reerection!

   This cop is going to look like such a dumbass trying to give me a field sobriety test while I'm invisible.

   X says The royal baby has been named George Alexander Louis? They must watch a lot of Seinfeld reruns.

   Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it's never found again..

   Pretty sure I look forward to my boss' vacation's more than he does.

   The royal baby is a day old and is still more interesting than the Kardashian family, kanye west, and Lindsey Lohan combined

   I was sure they'd name that baby King Ralph...

   why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

   i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good