Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
"You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship. 
You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
I bet sloths are horrible at foreplay.
Unstable in the streets, batsh*t crazy in the sheets.
If looks could kill a trip to Walmart would be a once in a lifetime experience.
If I die in a stripclub, please drag my body to the nearest church before reporting my death.
If I die in a bar, please drag my body to the nearest church before reporting my death.
I like to sit round a campfire telling ghost stories until I realise I'm on acid, the dwarves aren't listening & my kitchen table is on fire.
what's for lunch? left over bacon from breakfast said no one ever.
Don't think you can bring that $hit from other places here and get away with it!!
Sounds like "PimpJuice" needs to take a refresher course in Pimpology 101
I gonna have to find me a partner...I'm as hard as woodpecker lips
Relationships are weird. What starts out as "You're funny and smart" eventually turns into "You think you know everything and everything is a joke to you."
Karma means I can sleep at night, knowing that everyone I mistreated today had it coming!
Our breakup was due to religious differences. She didn't think I was God.
WARNING!!! Drug use may cause memory loss and....uhm....
If I die at walmart, PLEASE, drag my body to Cabella's
just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I'm all alone, I have food and internet!
COMEBACK: Just a few more weeks without sex and I win another pair of crocs.
A good woman knows her limits...... A wise woman knows she has none." 