Funny Status Messages

   I just watched a guy at Walmart rip off a whole case of Red Bull. I don't know how he can sleep at night.

   I invited a friend over for dinner and made steaks for the two of us. She took a bite of hers and said, "I like it well done." So I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."

   A teenage cannibal came home one afternoon after football practice and his Dad said, "You're late. Everybody's already eaten."

   If swear, if I hear that term 'TOXIC MASCULINITY' one more time, I'm going to slap somebody!

   Food prices are through the roof. I still eat steak sometimes but it's rare.

   Now that I think about it, I don’t believe Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito were twins at all

   A trans four year old is like a vegan cat. We know who is making the choices.

   The movie Pretty Woman will now be known as, “She’s pretty, but I don’t know if she’s a woman… I’m not a biologist.”

   The App is called Tic Toc; because every video you watch is a reminder of why humanity is running out of time.

   I’m not a biologist, but I know what a woman is.

   Listen to people when they are angry, because that is when the truth comes out.

   Got a new book, “How to make gasoline at home.”

   A burglar broke into my home last night. I put the red dot on his chest and the cat did the rest.

   Daylight savings time? Only an idiot would cut two inches off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom and believe he now has a longer blanket.

   A donation of 14 billion has been made to eastern Europe in your name. Thanks.

   Ah, Easter. That lovely time of year that reminds you to take down the Christmas decorations.

   Under Florida law, Bengay has been ordered to change their name to Benstraight.

   Yo mama so fat she starts practicing for dinner after lunch.

   Governments easing mask restrictions but bad breath still out there knocking people dead

   Well I guess now we know why DJ Jazzy Jeff left .