Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The sky is the limit unless you understand science.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 22:20 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just kicked a "the book was better" dude square in the nuts.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 19:43 by Deweydane Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never get your panties in a bunch... The good quality ones are sold individually.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 18:40 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got the body of a 21 year old,, but I have to give it back cuz I'm getting it wrinkled
←Rate | 09-11-2013 18:37 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to think of a really good Miley Cyrus joke but it's not twearking
←Rate | 09-11-2013 18:23 by @shifthitfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whew, that salad filled me up-said no real man EVER
←Rate | 09-11-2013 15:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow, Lil Wayne's now on Paris Hilton's new song. Those tear drop tattoos should be real tears, Weezy.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 14:43 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm more comfortable with animals than humans. Animals understand love clearly. Love a human and they misconstrue it a thousand ways.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanna open a store where you can touch expensive things you'll never afford and call it "Feel Free".
←Rate | 09-11-2013 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish, he will eat. Give a man religion, he will serve praying for a fish to eat.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 13:59 by MaTT 740 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't hate you, but I hope you want an iPhone for christmas and you get the 5c.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend told me she bought a really sexy dress just for me. I'm planning on wearing it on Friday.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Clapping is just your right hand beating the sh*t out of your left hand to show that you appreciated something.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
←Rate | 09-11-2013 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't be poor and ugly. Choose one struggle.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 11:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not just handsome. I'm Photoshop handsome.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 10:35 by Bath Salt Zombie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wearing a T-Shirt with "Let's talk about God" on it always guarantees me a seat to myself on the train.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 09:53 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I'm sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 08:25 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get a call from a telemarketer, hand the phone to a three-year-old and tell him it's Santa Claus.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 06:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
←Rate | 09-11-2013 05:54 Comments (0)  




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