Funny Status Messages

   You ever think that just possibly these milk, bread and toilet paper companies are behind these overestimated, hysteria causing weather reports????

   Deductive reasoning skills are a double-edged sword. You see, those of us who are self-motivated, pay attention to detail and use deductive reasoning must be punished for how we make those who don't "feel..."

   Dressed my snowman up as a security guard, and then I put him out in front of a snow bank.

   Thanks to Facebook and Twitter, we are now exposed and contaminated with dumb sh*t people just used to keep to themselves in their dumb heads.

   I'm having a make yourself at home party. Make yourself at home.. start cooking, cleaning and do my laundry. . .

   Music, Children, and Dogs: The world's three greatest anti-depressants.

   I owe my bookie $300.I bet on a fight before I realized it was Rocky 4. I did the same thing with Space Jam and Air Bud

   I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.

   I just told someone that I have to pee pee. It's hard toggling back and forth between being a parent and being a dude.

   I'm that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.

   Why can't the DEVIL jst swallow his pride & ask GOD for forgiveness so we can all go back to the garden of EDEN & live happily NAKED?

   I know some ladies here who need to come out courageous nough and upload their non-edited pictures,,,feel safe...u'r cute..anyway

   I like you. But I don't "let you out of my basement" like you. Hah because I love you.

   Never Choose ur Boyfriend/Girlfriend Over ur Best Friends.

   This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken."

   Besides yourself, which individual disappointed you the most in 2013?

   I stopped wondering why I do the things I do a long time ago. Makes me feel dizzy.

   There’s now a song called Saturday by Rebecca Black. The silly ho is slowly trying to ruin all of the days of the week.

   Holiday Tip #37: Eat asparagus around the holidays. If you're anything like me, the green combined with the red in the toilet lends itself to a wonderful bathroom holiday ambiance

   INSTANT HAPPINESS: Just add bacon...or sɇx...or enough money to buy bacon and sɇx.