Funny Status Messages

   When you find out he can cook, has correct grammar and runs a meme page. (next thing I knew, I was pregnant)

   It’s nice outside, I think I’ll go sit on the patio. (1207 mosquitos like this)

   Yeah drugs are cool, but have you ever had ice water at 2:00am?

   It took you 15 minutes to get home, google maps says it takes 12. Who is she?

   When you click “accept cookies” but then you don’t get any cookies.

   Dog 1 to dog 2: “Once in a while, pretend like you hear something they don’t…. it drives them crazy!”

   Her: He’s probably thinking about other girls. Him: Ahhhhh…French Vanilla Rocky Road! Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Cookie Dough! Scoop, there it is! Scoop, there it is! Scoop, there it is! Annnnnnnd…. SPRINKLES!

   Regular unleaded: Willie Nelson, Plus unleaded: Snoop Dog, Supreme unleaded: Hunter Biden

   An old-fashioned candy necklace, but with tums and ibuprofen.

   NOTHING PERSONAL, BUT IF I SEE SOMEONE WEARING A WWE WRESTLING SHIRT, I AUTOMATICALLY DEDUCT 50 IQ POINTS .

   We see that it's the same person that posted 20 post I a row andpost and liked it 5 times in a row and like everyone they posted 5 times just to get a like..

   4 o’clock and all is Welp.

   Was stung by a bee, guess what happened? That’s right, a Welp.

   Generic Viagra. Same medicine at a lower price. No bones about it.

   Do you remember Jan. 6th last year? Yeah, 2.19 a gallon.

   Al Capone did less damage to Chicago than Lori Lightfoot.

   My girlfriend just told me to not let her buy anything at the mall, which is kind of like when a werewolf asks you to chain them to a tree on the night of a full moon.

   Lumber shortage, worker shortage, gas shortage, rubber shortage… You know what we don’t have a shortage of right now? Idiots.

   Everything hits different when you’re not supposed to be doing it.

   If a bag is not resealable, it contains one serving.