Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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A look back on Facebook: 4,500,000,000 BC - 2005 AD .... cricket, cricket, cricket. 2005-2014 "Hey everyone! Look at what I had for dinner! 
Anyone who thinks that overweight people are slow moving, may I remind you of how fast Santa Claus knocked out those gift deliveries a little over a month ago?
COLD? You haven't seen cold, until you've woke up next to my ex-wife! .. Fridged!
COLD? You haven't seen cold, until you've woke up next to my ex-wife! .. Fridged!
Just when you thought this sh*thole couldn't sink any deeper...
moron.....hahaha.....nobody thinks you're funny
Damn. Facebook has more movies than Netflix.
I just deleted my bookmark to this horrible sh*thole. I am sure there are funnier places somewhere else on the net.
My Facebook movie is okay, but the book was better.
I really need to stop checking every five mins to see if my Facebook movie is on Rotten Tomatos yet.
Your forehead is so big I bet when you dream, you dream movies.
You should be able to pick a theme for your Facebook movie... Because some of you should need to pick drama...
Everybody! Fast! I need to see your Facebook film! Please share with me!
Just watched my "Facebook movie" and realized that Facebook has no clue who I am.
Sitting here watching the "Biggest Loser" season finale... uh, thought I would see the Broncos....
I saw a guy wearing a "World's Greatest Dad" shirt, so I killed him and took it. There can be only one.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse "right of way" with "immortality".
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
I bet Snowmen think it's weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin. 