GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and WILL be used against you... So use your right to remain silent!

   Marriage tip: If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.

   Jellyfish have survived 650 million years, despite not having a brain. This gives so many people hope.

   Marriage tip 101: If your wife asks you if the dress she's wearing makes her look fat, just tell her that if she ran at the gym just like she runs her mouth at home, she wouldn't have to ask that question.

   My armpits smell like garlic bread. Me, flirting

   Marriage is very simple. The husband is king of the house and the wife obeys his every command.

   Worried about rising gas prices? Taco Bell and White Castle sell gas for less than $2.

   Marriage tip: If you're getting ready to go out in public with your wife, ask her, "Would you please put on some makeup?" This will help her understand that you are concerned with her appearance, and she will love you more for it.

   My wife just told me to not let her buy anything at the mall, which is kind of like when a werewolf asks you to chain them to a tree on the night of a full moon.

   Marriage tip: Ladies, when you're arguing with your spouse, just remind them "one of us is right, and the other one is YOU".

   Just heard that Lady Gaga will be performing a concert in outer space this summer. I think it's really sweet of her to do a concert right in her own hometown.

   Marriage tip: When you're in an argument with your wife, just use the phrase "I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong." This will help her realize that you are always correct.

   It takes skill to trip over cordless phones!

   Guys, when your wife starts a sentence with "when you get a chance", just go ahead and start putting your shoes on. She means now.

   I love the three little pigs; Bacon, Ham, and Sausage!

   I wonder what the part of my brain, that used to store telephone numbers, is doing nowadays.

   Marriage tip: When you're away from your wife for a night, ignore all of her phone calls. This will cause her to miss you more while you're gone so that she'll love you more when you're home.

   Marriage tip: Ladies, keep your husband on his toes by randomly asking him "Are you listening to me?" That way you always have his full attention.

   Marriage tip: Women are naturally bad drivers. So, never ever let your wife drive the car. You, as the alpha Male of your household, should stay in the driver's seat and take your family where they need to go safely.

   Marriage tip: If your wife wants to play video games with you, just remind her that the dishwasher makes awesome arcade sounds.