Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there's always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia — checking a bag.

   The president announced his bracket for the NCAA tournament. March Madness and Obama is predicting Michigan State will beat Louisville to win the national championship. Going by Obama's past predictions, I want to congratulate Louisville on their big wi

   Don't justify aggressive behavior with cultural diversity.

   Has anyone even considered that the missing Malaysian airliner just may have been Wonder Woman's invisible jet?

   They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.

   I've always had this fantasy to make love to two women......... Like, in the same year

   It's weird how starving people aren't allergic to gluten.

   This CNN coverage of a missing plane is the longest episode of Gilligan's Island I've ever watched.

   "Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we're gonna have to ask you to leave."

   What a lovely winter we're having this spring.

   People who only sleep with one pillow are the real terrorists.

   A toothbrush. If you let a woman bring one into your house, it’s no longer your house.

   I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that sh*t.

   President Obama - The worlds most powerful insurance salesman.. How embarrassing.

   Westboro Batist Church founder dead!!!! Who's up for a funeral protest?!?!?!

   You guys just don't get me like you used to. - Polio

   Friends make the worst enemies

   Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady have put their LA Mega-Mansion up for sale. Sadly, in today's economy even the Brady-Bundchen can't keep their home.

   BREAKING NEWS: The pilot of the missing Malaysian plane was known to go by the name Waldo.

   Well the news reports that a Tibetan Mastiff was purchased in China for 2 Million Dollars. Some one over there is about to eat the most expensive authentic Chinese Meal they've ever had today.