maria Funny Status Messages

   Don't go knocking on death's door, ring the doorbell and run, he hates that!!!!!

   There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

   I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

   When I have a kid, I'm going to go to the mall, put him into a double stroller, and run around looking frantic.

   my knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil

   Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

   Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let's get wasted and have the time of our lives!

   There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are spoken together.

   u wrote me a note and it said "n ss!w !" ...it didnt make sense till I turned it upside down!!

   The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

   No one will win the battle of the sexes, there is too much flirting with the enemy

   Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

   So... the elephant says to the camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?" the camel replies "that's a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a dlck on his face"