jeff Funny Status Messages

   Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?

   I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...Just hopeing it's my friends with a 2 million watt spotlight and not a train....

   Last night went to a corn maze for the first time ever! It was aMAZEing. I thought it would be CORNy, but we had so much fun. They did have a few STALKers, don't worry, I was all EARS. Had a blast!

   The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!

   If whiskey makes you frisky and gin makes you grin, what makes you pregnant? (Two highballs and a Squirt)

   Blind hookers...ya gotta hand it to em!

   I knew Brett Favre was in for a long year when he threw that interception in the Wrangler commercial.

   Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into own hands.

   Cremation..........think outside the box

   A man gets on a plane with 6 kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these your kids?" The man replies, "No, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"

   Senior Campbells Soup with.....NEW... larger type alphabet soup letters.

   Cancel my subscription....I am done with your issues!

   So did anyone ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what?

   I always feel like a domestic God after watching Hoarders.

   Every since I bought this shake weight . I'm putting way too much salt on my food!!

   I'm right 97% of the time...so why does my wife always find fault with the other 4% ?

   Just saved a bunch of money on my Mental Insurance by switching to Psycho!

   I held the door for a lady at the Post Office because she had a huge box..

   To the woman at WalMart with all those screaming, unruly kids. I slipped a large box of condoms in your cart when your head was turned. You are so welcome!

   I just read about a dyslexic cop being fired for operating an IUD checkpoint.