GIL Funny Status Messages

   "Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.

   I think Prince was hallucinating when he wrote "When Doves Cry". Has anyone ever actually heard a dove cry?

   M&M Mars are stupid if they don't shoot a commercial featuring Mayweather and McGregor.

   Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?

   I think we'll be seeing a lot more of Alec Baldwin on SNL the next few years.

   What are the odds that Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch have another friendly 30 minute chat to talk about golfing and grandchildren?

   Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.

   COPD is deadly and no one likes dealing with it, whether you are referring to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, or the Commission On Presidential Debates.

   It costs you nothing to pay someone a compliment. Be nice to someone today. Kindness is contagious.

   Now I know why NASCAR fans don't watch the Olympics....Watching swimming is 10X slower than running and 1000X slower than automobile racing.

   I would like to announce my candidacy for mayor of Facebook.

   "Too big to fail"...."Too big to jail"... same thing

   If Hillary gets elected, Bill will be the ugliest first lady ever.

   On January 25th 2006, Al Gore proclaimed we only had 10 years left to save the planet. Get ready for the end of the world in 23 days. Al Gore said it. It must be true.

   "Thanks FIFA for making me look like a boy scout!" - Tom Brady

   A vegan, a cross-fitter, and an atheist walk into a bar. Who does the bartender shoot first?

   It's rumored that the Catholic Church is interested in buying Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. Does anyone not see the irony in this?

   "Has Tim Tebow been signed yet?" - Robert Kraft

   In response to recent rape allegations, TV Land has pulled all episodes of the Cosby Show off the air. My life is ruined.

   "If I had a communicable disease, it would look just like Ebola" - Barack Obama