GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   The relationship between a husband and wife is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.

   Waking up is never easy but I just have to remember that the world can't revolve around me unless I get out of bed.

   I've got people who love me because I'm me. I've got people who hate me for the same reason!

   I had a call from a telemarketer and he said he couldn't understand me. I told him to press 1 for English.

   Dear paranoid people who check behind the shower curtain for murderers: What exactly is the plan if you find one?

   We should have a national quiet day where everyone just shuts up for 24 hours.

   People's driving skills got me looking both ways at green lights!

   The world would be a much better place if everyone grew vegetables instead of electing them.

   Sometimes I don't feel like going to work... But then I remember I was born cute, not rich.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   You women may be surprised to learn, that making us sleep on the couch isn't that bad. It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping... with a really angry bear nearby.

   To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas.

   I don't get how people afford life without a job??? I can't even afford it with a job.

   Holiday tip: If any of you receive a call from a telemarketer and there's a kid under 5 years old nearby, hand the kid the phone and tell them its Santa.

   It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.

   First rule of family gatherings: Always bring your own vehicle so you can leave whenever you want.

   Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.

   Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.