Funny Status Messages

   DAMN!! Obamaphones sure are getting one serious workout these last two nights in Ferguson!!

   Kids: Never tell a stranger where you live. Give them your neighbor's address and watch what happens.

   The only women who have brains are the ones who have not had them banged out of her yet.

   "I understand your logic, but let's try to look at this more emotionally." - men

   Remember Tiger woods was going thru it? - Bill cosby

   Why wait for Black Friday, when you can shop brown Monday right

   I went to Ferguson, MO and all I looted was this lousy T-shirt...

   Why were police firing tear gas at rioters in Ferguson when they could have been firing job applications at them?

   I can understand the right to protest. What I don't understand is why everyone had Christmas Lists in their hands. Oh yeah..... Looting Monday.....

   In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree

   Thought I was watching a commercial for Grand Theft Auto 5... Turns out I was watching CNN's reporting on Ferguson riots...

   Riots will restart when they all figure out the liquor store they rioted last night is closed.

   Don't worry guys, I have a plan. We can extinguish the Ferguson flames with the tears of all the Cosby victims.

   ME: "Hello, Front Desk, Can I get a wakeup call please?" FRONT DESK: "You're 37, unemployed, single, and haven't saved a penny for retirement" ME: "Thanks"

   Don't ever say Obama wasn't the jobs president, look how many lawyers he is going to keep employed for the next two years...

   Fergison Mo. BLACK FRIDAY GHETTO STYLE!!!!

   Where is Capt HUG A THUG when you need him aka Rev Al Not to sharpton

   I have a problem with huffing brake fluid but don't worry. I can stop any time.

   How many dinosaur remains must we dig up before we understand why they lived underground?

   I tried to bring sexy back but he was too far gone. I brought pizza back instead.