Funny Status Messages
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Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals. We'd be planting so many trees we'd probably save the planet. Too bad they only give off oxygen we need to breathe. 
I was meditating this morning... ok actually I was sitting on my bed and starring 20 minutes at the wall... but it still counts
Some chics place a flower in their hair like they're paying tributes to their dead brain.
Donald Trump really owes Sarah Palin, because he would never be a Presidential contender today if she had not so effectively lowered the bar in 2008.
Sarah Palin should also blame Obama for her daughter getting pregnant *sarcasm * Well her daughter is harder to pull out of than Iraq.
Sarah Palin's son beats woman and yet she blames it on Obama? Haha, she should have raised a gentleman instead of a thug!
How would you know an albino polar bear if you saw one? (And don't say its eyes would be red. You wouldn't be able to get that close).
I also refuse to turn the beat around........
"That's not what I meant".................... *men
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they'd have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
it, "kindergarden" or "kindergarten"?... I'm just wondering what grade level I need to start all over from.
Girls who cut your shorts so that your pockets show. Why not just cut off the pockets? What are you hiding? Snacks? Tell me it's snacks.
The steady fall of oil prices and subsequent decline of the Canadian dollar motivated me to diversify my investment portfolio from empties to Lotto Max.
Watching this Sarah Palin Rally for Trump:....Did this chick use the words 'Bequested' and 'Pusssyfooting' as verbs??? OMG...SNL rating is going to go thru the roof!!! ....
look, tom hanks with his whole family!!! #hanksalot
Hmmmm,,, Why are long underwear like 42% crotch?
FYI,, All I did from 1988-1994,,,, was try to get the shards of Cap'n Crunch out off the roof of my mouth
I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.
I Google-Earthed your house...... You're out of toilet paper.
Yeah Right,, like YOU'VE never told a screaming child in 7-11 you had a surprise for him,, reached into your pocket,, and pulled out a middle finger... 