Sully Funny Status Messages

   Wow, that's a nice looking pair of crocs!" - Said by no one. Ever.

   BREAKING: Penn State to keep Paterno statue, but plan to move it into the showers....Or something like that?

   If Obama had a son he would be unemployed........

   I'm convinced these mosquitoes are on bath salts.....

   Pretty sure the founders didn't intend for the 4th of July to be on a Wednesday.Thanks a lot Obama.........

   Its Soo Hot....The Jehovah Witnesses ain't even out today.

   I hate mosquitoes, they're like nature's version of a Jehovah's Witness..........

   FYI - If any kids are interested in harassing me on a school bus, or anywhere else for that matter..... I am available. I could use a nice $500,000 long vacation. I'm just saying

   Dude fell at Walgreen's & my CPR training instantly kicked in! Had to hit him with the AED (defibrillator) like three times though, because he kept resisting.........

   Found out at lunch today that apparently, it's rude if you honk your order in Morse code to the drive-thru attendant at McDonald's.......

   Good mourning...... I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day, oh..everyone except Jerry Sandusky!!

   R.I.P Lindsay Lohan : (not really, I'm just practicing.......

   Fonzie never wore a safety harness jumping the 14 garbage cans in front of Arnold's or jumping the shark tank. Don't be a Potsie Wallenda, ditch the harness..

   I think I've just convinced my 85yr old neighbor to hop on one leg across her patio railing at 5pm if you guys are interested.........

   While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?

   My wife said I don't do enough work around the house. Its like she thinks this FB account just runs itself.........smh

   I saw a squirrel eating a dead squirrel on the way home. So, the bath salt/zombie crisis has now reached the animal kingdom...

   Does anybody no CPR in Miami? Lebron James is doing the International choking sign again.....

   Facebook stock continues to lose value, in fact it's so bad, hundreds of farmville farms are going into foreclosure.......

   REMEMBER: a noisy BBQ may upset your neighbours. Another great way to annoy them is to throw your rubbish into their garden...