Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.

   No thanks speed dating. I'll settle for being awkward one date at a time.

   I am bored .Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on .

   Pretty bad when your dog farts so loud he has the nerve to turn to see where the noise came from.

   There's a Black Friday sale at my house, pants are 100% off

   The way this woman squealed when getting proposed to is the exact same reaction I had when I found out the restaurant serves 3lb. lobster.

   Somewhere someone's therapist knows you.

   People who say stuff like "everyday is a new day" are also the same fools who say sh*t like "apples are fruits" and "women are humans"

   Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes

   Having a beard while wearing a suit says "I am a professional who might go through your trash later."

   If it requires pants, its not happening today.

   Being human is expensive and exhausting.

   [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together

   My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.

   I'm just looking for a reason not to drink

   Can Walmart be a feeling? I'm pretty sure that's how I'm feeling today.

   I don't think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.

   Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.

   I don't chase after girls... unless I have my inhaler with me.

   You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.