GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Jim Morrison was right. People are strange.

   Just once in my life, I'd actually like to see a liar's pants catch on fire.

   Whoever came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has clearly never been to Walmart during the day.

   Ever spent money so quickly that you felt like somebody stole it?

   I like to make lists. I also like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while I'm in the store.

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   So you unfollowed me on Facebook. You sure showed me.

   Memorizing pot hole locations is a must where I'm from.

   People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.

   Marriage tip: When your wife asks what's on TV, do not say dust.

   I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do... It's because I missed my exit.

   Not to brag, but I was alive when you could SLAM the phone down to hang up on someone. It was spectacular!

   Around this time in 2020 we couldn't find toilet paper. Now we can't afford it.

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   My body knows how old I am, but my mind refuses to believe it.

   I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening... and then have to start all over again.

   Don't block all of your haters. Leave one or two so they can report back to headquarters.

   You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch really isn't that bad. It's kind of manly, makes us feel like we are out camping... with a really angry bear nearby.

   As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how the scarecrow could talk without a brain. Then I got social media.

   Everyone needs a friend who they shouldn't be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.