Funny Status Messages
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If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving but growls when you blow in his face, you need a breath mint. 
Screw Finding Dory... Let's find Clintons deleted emails!
Personally, I think Disney World is taking it's Animal Kingdom experience to far.
I feel safer knowing the Democrats are trying to make a watch list for people on watch lists..
I've got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons. Why oh why do I have so many luftballons?!?!
Never seen a pair of high heels hanging over a telephone wire. Always sneakers. Someone get on that.
The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.
Breaking News -- Family Guy's Quagmire loosely based on a young Bill Crosby.
If you're happy and you know it, please keep your mouth shut as no one wants to hear from a Trump supporter.
French toast is just toast that's surrendered.
I can't run from my problems because I am out of shape.
Reports say men who post selfies show pyschopathic tendencies. While women who post selfies just wanted to show everyone their "duck face".
...... "Barack INSANE Obama" .... Truth in advertising.
No one ever questions how Mayor McCheese managed to keep his job while the citizens of his town were being eaten.
Former 3rd world countries are perfect for hipsters. So many abandoned buildings to turn into cafes.
A girl asked me if I wanted to go back to her place last night. She then proceeded to tell me she lived in a van with four roommates. That's New York City for yah!!!
A more fitting name for Target would be "How The Heck Did I Spend $233.44?!?!"
Most historians agree that Marie Antoinette's first menstrual cycle was one of the greatest periods in history.
A lot of people do not realize thats the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
With so many things coming back in style, I can't wait till loyalty and morals become the new trend again. 