Funny Status Messages

   I bet if Bon Jovi could turn back time he wouldn't do those gawd awful DirecTV commercials.

   Everyone is playing Pokemon again, Blink 182 has a #1 song, a Clinton is running for President, Tarzan is in theaters. Welcome to 2001.

   If you're complaining about kids playing a game outside while sitting on your a$$ judging people on the internet, you probably need to re-evaluate your priorities.

   I thought I was in a bad mood but its been a few years so I guess this is who I am now.

   Just like a bunch of brown NBA players to blame the cops when a brutha breaks the law...

   I can't be bothered to download Pokemon GO. So I just threw a basketball at my next door neighbor's rabbit.

   "Sorry, that last text was intended for my wife" is one text I never want to have to send... again.

   Life Hack: Send your boss an email that says " Suck my A$$" and you wont have to go to work the next.

   A belated congrats to the Sham Wow people for having the balls to sell a product on TV with the word "sham" in the name.

   A great trick to play is after a long and intimate texts with your girlfriend, end with "Who is this?"

   Bill Cosby replaces defense team. The original one is unsure why; they inexplicably fell asleep & when they woke he was gone.

   Theresa May replaced David Cameron as UK's new Prime Minister. Finally someone with balls will run the country.

   Lies Told A Lot: "I didn't know anything." -Joe Paterno

   Next Food Trend: Looking up from your smart phones while you eat.

   there a Pokemon Stop? I'll get that one.

   Trying to decide between Best Pumbling Service and Superior Plumbing Service. Which do you think is better?

   Hillary made a deal with Bernie to get his endorsement. Translation: Hillary bought Bernie a suit from his favorite clothing store -- Sears.

   Found On Sale At Walmart: Hillary's Wall Street speeches, only $249,999.99 each.

   Donald Trump is having Tim Tebow speak at the Republican National Convention. I'm confused. I thought he didn't like losers.

   Half the world is in a race war and the other half is running around catching Pokemon with their phones, and I'm just sitting here on my couch waiting for football season.