BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Dear CocaCola, McDonalds, and other massive companies, unless you have a new product for me, stop showing me commercials. I didn't forget about you. I have never stood at a vending machine and thought, what's that thing in the red can? I promise.

   It may take a village to raise a child. But it only takes one condom to save them the hassle.

   FACT: If you don't own a suit, you get to stay in your twenties forever.

   It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

   Since the damn world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

   I see by your Facebook bio that you're into crafts, blogging, windmills, cats, food, earwax, wine, jazz, God, gaming. ME TOO!

   Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.

   Well,today was a total waste of your makeup

   About 50% of the time “good luck” really means “efff you.”

   Putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you? There's an damn App for that. It's called "respect".

   I may be fat, but you're ugly – I can lose weight!

   By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

   I laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

   Being in LOVE is like Being DRUNK. No control over what you do.

   Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, seemed to like the rich families more. Who liked the poor families more? the Stork.

   If Easter Egg hunting was an Olympic event, I would have at least 4 Gold Medals by now. I'm not sure why it is, but I have this extraordinary sixth sense.

   Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don't lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?

   Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.

   I love biting the ears and heads off chocolate Easter bunnies.

   Mistakes make you think. They make you realize that sometimes there are no next times, no time outs and no second chances.