BEGO Funny Status Messages

   About 50% of the time “good luck” means “effff you.”

   That awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.

   The guy who predicted the end of the world moved the date to Oct/Nov. That's not the end of the world, it's just another Twilight film.

   8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

   wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife.

   ‎"I faked all my LOLs." -A Facebook romance comes to a dramatic end.

   She: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? He: No. I think that's imagination.

   The biggest difference between my wife and a bear is that sometimes, if I play dead, the bear will leave me alone.

   Jail..the government's way of sending you to your room.

   I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far.

   Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.

   Ronald McDonald has to retire because he is making kids fat? Really? So kids are driving themselves to McDonald's now?

   Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.

   Relationships don't need promises, terms, and conditions. It just needs two wonderful people; one who can trust and one who can understand.

   If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, poking each other, searching for their friends, thumbs-upping and commenting at everything they see and tagging one another.

   When Facebook starts showing how many times you viewed somebody\'s profile, were all damn screwed.

   Send a Hallmark Card to my EX: ""I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here

   I don't leave voicemails because I know they aren't listened to. Yet, if someone calls me and doesn't leave one, my first thought is that it wasn't important enough for me to call them back.

   I wonder what would happen if a witness is asked to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth and they say no?

   I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"