Funny Status Messages

   With its resplendent colors and invigorating chill, autumn is my favorite time to ponder my complete insignificance in an uncaring universe.

   Kim Kardashian blames herself for Paris robbery. No word yet on if she takes responsibility for the downfall of Western society.

   Halloween, that magical time of year when I can buy 10 pound bags of candy and no one thinks it's "a huge red flag."

   With all these clown sightings, I’m gonna start picking them up in my UberPool. Even better, I'll use a tiny car and fit 20 in at a time!!!

   I haven't checked the chinese calendar yet but I'm betting this is the year of the Clown.

   Another fun fact .... Economic growth under President Reagan was almost DOUBLE what it is under the Obama Presidency .... Or as the Democrats like to call the Reagan Economy ..... a Failed Economy.

   In the movies everybody laughs when somebody says "You can trust me ... I'm from the Government!" HAHAHAHA ..... But come election time ..... We all seem to have collective brainwashed amnesia and dutifully vote for the biggest Government Con-Person.

   Stock Market News as of Today; The Dow has doubled since Obama became president. Or as Republicans call it, devastating economic news.

   will Hurricane Matthew be followed by hurricanes Mark, Luke & John?

   So where are all the Clown Rights groups? #ClownLivesMatter

   Someone needs to ask Hillary and Donald what they are planing to do about this growing and serious Clown Crisis?

   Thousands of Clown sightings all across the Nation, The candidates running for President. Yes, this is clearly and definitely ... The Year of the Clown.

   PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you are attacked by a mob of Clowns ... Go for the Juggler.

   CNN Just announced that Hillary won the next Debate.

   set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell

   Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous, but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown they’re all screaming.

   it just me or are there a whole lot of folks who get that stupid prompt to download the latest apple itunes and quicktime update 5 times a week??

   I want to be something really scary for Halloween. So, for this year, I'm dressing up as 3% phone battery.

   Can't wait til this election travesty is over so we can all get back to disliking each other for reasons other than poor political choices.

   All I’m saying is now might be a good time to check the Paris pawn shops for some good deals on jewelry.