glimmertriplet Funny Status Messages

   Travis Kelce is going to have to sign a prenup that is longer than any book he's ever read!!

   I've ordered and returned the same boomerang on Amazon for over a year now.

   Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.

   Tinder is for rookies. I just went to Facebook Marketplace and searched for wedding dresses. I found dozens of recently divorced women and I could filter them by size.

   Trump has been under investigation for two years. None of his enemies has committed suicide.

   Bernie Sanders is finally going to pay his staff the $15 minimum wage he advocates for. But he's going to reduce their hours. He has proven the point that increasing the minimum wage to $15 will cost people hours and jobs.

   It's hotter than a spoon at Demi Lovato's house.

   What if April 2 is April Fool's Day and we've been April Fooled all this time?

   Got some good financial news today. The kid I've been sponsoring in some third-world country got eaten by a lion.

   The last time Houston was under this much water her first name was Whitney.