Funny Status Messages

   Tribute Bands: Making money off the hard work of the stars they attempt to emulate because they don't have a single, original thought in their empty skulls.

   I just found out I have 100% body fat. That means I'm basically a can of Crisco. 😛

   Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dads out there who are killing it. This one's for you!!!

   Did you hear the latest ICE joke? It's a riot!!!

   I don't understand the Indian people. They win spelling bees, but can't keep a plane in the air.

   Hello, Delta? Yes I'd like to reserve seat 11A. That's correct, 11A. What? You already have 242 passengers booked in 11A?

   BREAKING: Ed the Zebra spotted in Sunrise, FL. Witnesses say he distracted the Panthers long enough for the Oilers to sneak in an OT winner. Sources confirm he’s now demanding a Stanley Cup ring.

   Ed the zebra galloped across Tennessee. The Oilers galloped across Florida’s defense. Both ended up airborne—one in a helicopter, the other in OT euphoria.

   BREAKING: The Edmonton Oilers just pulled an Ed the Zebra—broke loose, dodged the Florida Panthers, and soared into OT glory like they were being airlifted out of Florida.

   Due to lack of punch buggies on the road nowadays, the new game is Tesla Sass Slap.