Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My wife asked if I was listening. I heard enough to be concerned.

   I keep having this recurring nightmare. It lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.

   If you want to go running with me, you'd better be prepared to walk a lot...

   What up MM?

   It's not easy being my wife's arm candy, but I hear I'm nailing it.

   Never put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket.

   Hey I just met you and this is crazy! But I'm your father! So join me maybe?

   I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

   I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

   I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... But I turned myself around.