gay jeffrey Funny Status Messages

   'm totally excited to hang out, again, too! Who is this? -Text from a slut

   So, my question has five parts. -Annoying person at a Q&A

   nothing worst then sitting in the waiting room before a checkup with a woman sitting next to you aggressively discussing her cancer, and it's makes you uncomfortable.

   Everybody Loves Raymond. Nobody Loves You.

   Why does Hollywood believe a self destruct button is a completely logical feature on spaceships?

   I bet when cab drivers ask Prince where he wants to go he closes his eyes and whispers "1999."

   Children Ruin Everything Around Me (C.R.E.A.M.)

   in an ideal world, olivia wilde is googling for pictures of me naked

   "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when you're freeing sad, post it on facebook so I can enjoy your misfortune."

   An Adam Sandler movie marathon is more difficult than a real marathon.

   A cool way to second guess your entire life is to go online and read reviews of every movie you think is awesome.

   You had me at "I don't like you that way."

   could really use a time machine to send me to the time before I started eating this whole pizza

   My favorite reality show is that one with all the fights at restaurants or bars.