Truman Funny Status Messages

   onions $2.98, wooden sticks $3.50, cellophane $5.00 handing out caramel covered onions for halloween priceless

   I often worry that mankind is going to start world war III solely because we enjoy trilogies

   Dear lord thankyou for these noodles i'm about to eat, ramen

   if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location for a nickelback concert

   stairs are always up to something...

   Million dollar idea: Chocolate Nerds called Urkels.

   I hate when I'm singing and people join in. B*tch, this aint glee.

   I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.

   Twerking and selfie have been officially added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed.

   Thankyou, slow walking family in front of me on the foothpath, No please, take your time.... and definately spread out, so you create a barricade of idiots.

   I'm so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"

   I know it's early..but I often forget things, so I've just written my letter to Santa, warning him not to drink the milk at Bill Cosby's place!!

   Angela Merkel isn't convinced about the reputations of Trump and Weinstein..she says she's never been touched up by either of them!

   Hello dangerous young man! Come and look at our extensive range of military grade, rapid - fire weapons, that can easily eliminate any normal people that question your anti - social and sadistic tendencies!

   So it's been reported that Trevor Baylis has passed away? Is this a wind up?

   I hate it when I click on a porn video and I can see myself in the screen while it's loading?

   Korean scientists have announced that have successfully cloned two Macaques! It's impossible to tell them apart..said one of the monkeys!!

   I think Stephen Hawking would be alive today if his family had called an ambulance and not taken him to PC World?

   Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?

   To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!