Dopey420 Funny Status Messages

   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

   I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and I. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a b!tch.

   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

   why do all the new smartphones have porn on them? Who in their right mind is out in public thinking, "ya know i'd really like to jerk off right now"?

   They should make a more honest name for 16 and Pregnant. Stupid Little Girls sounds good to me.

   According to a new survey, 40% of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60% already live here.

   I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town.

   57. Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed

   I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

   girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

   What's six inches long, two and a half inches wide, and drives women wild?................................. Money

   Baby,baby,baby ooh!" Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to justin bieber AGAIN..? Daughter: No I'm watchin PORN... Mom: Oh thank God

   Stalking is such a strong word. I prefer extreme follow the leader :)

   Remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bi**h slap them!

   ˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ sı

   ⓘ ⓦⓐⓢ ⓑⓞⓡⓔⓓ, ⓢⓞ ⓘ ⓓⓔ©ⓘⓓⓔⓓ ⓣⓞ ⓟⓤⓣ ⓛⓔⓣⓣⓔⓡⓢ ⓘⓝⓢⓘⓓⓔ ⓑⓤⓑⓑⓛⓔⓢ.

   Little Johnny wrote to Santa, "I want a baby brother for christmas." Santa wrote back' "Send me your Mother. '

   A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

   If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

   Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.